Starting the Lawnmower
For this stupid skit, you will need to get 3 guys. One of the actors will play the part of the lawnmower, one will play the part of Bud, and the last one will play the role of Roy.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Due to the nature of the last line in this skit MAKE SURE that the person you select for “Roy” is an adult leader, or at the very least, a very secure and confident student.
The scene opens with the “lawnmower” on all fours in the middle of the stage. If you can, have a 3 foot long piece of rope tied to one of his wrists. In walks Bud.
Bud: (comes walking in talking softly to himself) Now let’s see here…where is that lawnmower of mine? Ahh…there she is! Well, lawnmower, Mary Lou wants me to cut that thar grass, so it’s time to get you a goin’.
Roy: (walks in with a soft drink in his hand) Howdy neighbor! Watcha’ doin’?
Bud: I’m fixin’ to cut my grass.
Roy: With that hunk-a-junk mower thar?!
Bud: (a little taken aback) Easy now, Roy. This here’s my baby doll. She’s been with me fer years.
Roy: Well, why are you cuttin’ the grass right now, anyway. I walked over to see if you were watchin’ the game…and to see if you had another soda? (As he says this, he turns his can upside down to show it’s empty.)
Bud: Yeah, I wanted to watch the game, but Mary Lou asked me to cut the grass. So, I figured I’d keep her happy.
Roy: Man, that wife of yours is the naggin-est wench I’ve ever met! Do this! Do that! Don’t she know that the game’s on, man?!
Bud: (upset) Careful there, Roy. That’s my wife your talkin’ bout.
Roy: (turning his attention to the mower) Hey, Bud, you know how you can tell how much your piece-of-junk-lawnmower is worth?
Bud: How’s that?
Roy: By seein’ how much gas is in the tank! Ha ha ha ha ha…. (Roy walks around to the front of the “lawnmower” and tilts the “lawnmower’s” head up a little. The “lawnmower” makes the “aaaahhhh” sound as though he were in a doctor’s office.) Yep, you got about a gallon in her. That makes your mower worth about 3 bucks, I reckon! Ha ha ha ha ha…
Bud: (paying no attention to Roy) Oh, I need to check the tires, too.
Roy: (kicking the tires one at a time, making the “lawnmower” wince) These here tires look slap wore out to me, bubba.
Bud: Naw, I think they got one more season in em.
Roy: You’ll be lucky if they got one more LAP in em! Ha ha ha ha ha….
Bud: Well, let’s see if I can getter to fire up.
Roy: You’d be better off settin’ her ON FIRE! Ha ha ha ha ha…
Bud: (pulls on starting rope and “lawnmower” rumbles a little bit and convulses some…the more exaggerated the funnier) Come on baby. (pulls again, with the same results)
Roy: I toldya this was a worthless, useless hunk a nuthin’! (puts his foot on the “lawnmower”-right in the middle of “lawnmower’s” back-making “lawnmower” wince)
Bud: Nope. Ain’t true. She’s just got to warm up some, that’s all. (pulls again, with an even more violent/funny reaction from “lawnmower”)
Roy: Warm up? I think it’s gonna BLOW UP! Ha ha ha ha ha… (Bud keeps pulling on the starting rope and the “lawnmower” comes closer and closer to actually starting)
Bud: Com’on baby. I know you got it in ya. (pulls the rope one last time-“lawnmower” sputters, then dies again)
Roy: Git out the way, sissy boy! Let a real man give it a try! (Roy takes his time getting a good grip on the starting rope, puts his foot on “lawnmower’s” back again, and yanks on the rope one, big time…and the “lawnmower” comes to life-coughing and bucking around some, but running nonetheless) Yep. Figgered I could git it runnin’ fer ya.
Bud: Yeah. I guess all my mower needed was ONE REAL BIG JERK!