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Spiritual Growth Agendas

For Girls Only
Sexual Purity (Girls)

Main Point: Being a godly woman these days is difficult, but worth the sacrifice. A godly woman is one who fears the Lord, carries herself modestly, and protects her sexual integrity.

Discussion Starter: This discussion starter only works if you have a couple mature guys that have a strong relationship with the Lord that are willing to help. They need to be able to: 1) act out how Christian girls SHOULDN’T act, and 2) be able to honestly verbalize what they are looking for in a “woman of God.”

Before you begin your regular meeting, let girls know that a few new girls will be visiting but are running late. Say, “Tonight we’re going to talk about sexual purity,” and then have a couple of time-killing opening comments to keep it going for the first minute or so. (Talk about recent movies, favorite restaurants, etc.)

When your “visitors” enter, allow them a few minutes to ham it up in their best falsetto voices, describing what they do and don’t look for in guys, and how they plan to go about getting their guys. If time allows, give the real girls time to ask these visitors additional questions about their dating habits.

After a few minutes allow your visitors to leave the room, change into their regular clothes, and rejoin the meeting. Ask the guys to share from their perspective why purity is important to them and why a girl who’s strong in her faith is just as important. Ask them to speak on other qualities they look for in girls, how important appearance is to them, and how girls’ dress (modest or immodest) affects them.

Thank the guys for dropping by and helping out, then dismiss them.

Transition Statement:
Ladies, these guys just gave you an inside look at what they’re searching for in life. They’ve let us know what they want and what they expect. Perhaps you were surprised by a few things these guys said. Maybe you were aiming at the wrong target all along. You might be surprised by what the Bible has to say about how we should live our lives as women, too. So, let’s take a look at it now.

Divide into Small Groups:
Let’s go ahead and split up into our discussion groups, and then afterward we’ll come back together for a final word.

CLICK HERE for a quick training article on how to maximize your small groups using our small group format—a great resource to equip your small group leaders.

Small Group Discussion:

  1. AROUND THE CIRCLE: As we get started, let’s all take a second to share our names and the most confusing thing about boys.

  2. ASK A FEW: Were any of you surprised by what you heard from the guys? If so, what was it?

  3. ASK A FEW: Really and truly, what would you like a guy to look for in you?

  4. ASK A FEW: How long do you spend doing hair, makeup, and clothes on an average morning?

  5. ASK A FEW: How long do you spend each morning preparing your heart and mind to live godly?

  6. ASK A FEW: How important is personal purity to you? Why?

  7. Read the following passages:

      Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.
      (Proverbs 11:22, NIV)

      Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30, NIV)

  8. ASK A FEW: I know these are some really old sayings, but do you think they still apply today? If so, how. If not, why not?

  9. ASK A FEW: In what ways can we show discretion these days?

  10. ASK A FEW: Why would a woman who fears the LORD be considered praiseworthy?

  11. Read the following passage:

      “Everything is permissible for me”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”—but I will not be mastered by anything. “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food”—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

      Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
      (1 Corinthians 6:12-20, NIV)

  12. ASK A FEW: If I were to ask you to sum up this passage in your own words, how would you do it? (Leaders – Paul seems to be saying, “Just because we CAN be sexually impure doesn’t mean we SHOULD be. We must remember that our bodies belong to God and are joined to Christ! Above all else, run away from sexual immorality.”)

  13. ASK A FEW: What are examples of sexual immorality these days?

  14. ASK A FEW: Give me some real life ways we can “honor God with our bodies.”

  15. ASK A FEW: How has your understanding of a godly woman shifted because of our discussion?

  16. AROUND THE CIRCLE: What is the biggest thing you need to work on to become a godly woman?

Wrap Up:
Tonight we heard from the other side of our species…boys. Truth be told, some of us were a little surprised at what they had to say. In fact, some of us were probably relieved to hear some of the things they had to say.

But then, we went straight to the source of our lives, God’s Word. We read several passages that taught us to fear the Lord, to carry ourselves modestly, and to seek purity in our lives. None of those are easy to do, but each of them carry blessings with them. Likewise, when we fall short of those standards, there are consequences in the long run, even if there is immediate excitement.

As we close up shop tonight, let me remind you that we women are in this together. That said, I want us to circle up in groups of three and pray for each other. Go ahead…get in a small knit circle now. I will guide you as to what to pray about in a moment. I’ll ask the first girl to pray for something, the second girl to pray for something else, and the third girl to pray for the last thing.

(After the girls are grouped up in 3’s, just lead them quietly by saying the following. Give the groups about a minute to pray each prayer.)

First Girl: Pray for your group of girls to draw closer to God in specific ways.

Second Girl: Ask God to help your group to live modestly in all things.

Third Girl: Tell God how badly you want to live a sexually pure life and ask His help in accomplishing that.

(After the last girl prays, close in prayer.)

Close in Prayer

By Danette Matty

This discussion starter was published in the Jul/Aug 2002 issue of Group Magazine, 1515 Cascade Ave., Loveland, CO 80538. Used with permission.

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Comments on this post

   Jaime Forrester         2/12/2016 9:30:47 PM

Thanks for your reply, Jonathan. I do appreciate you taking the time to reply and for doing so graciously. I apologize for the harsh tone of my initial post. That said, I maintain that I cannot agree with the message being conveyed by this lesson. Modesty and purity are wonderful virtues by which Godly women and men alike should be bound, but their primary rationale should be their desire to obey God rather than to be acceptable to the opposite sex. Furthermore, men have a responsibility to stay steadfast in their commitment to God independently of how people around them dress or behave so this conversation about women's clothing is a red herring. The dominant discourse is too one-sided, where the expectations and responsibilities for purity are placed squarely on the shoulders of women whereas men's sexually sinful behaviours are condoned or blamed on the women. The beginning part of the lesson asking men to dress in drag and to present their caricature of women is also very problematic. But thanks again for the opportunity to engage and for being so civil even when I was near-hostile.

   Jonathan McKee         2/10/2016 4:19:36 PM

Sorry you feel that way, Jaime. I just reread the whole curriculum again above, and like what Danette (the author) did. She not only recommends providing a helpful perspective from guys (sharing their struggles when girls dress skimpy, etc.), but more importantly, she brings us to scripture for some truth on the subject, stressing that truth as the focus. I'm sorry you don't like it. Feel free to not use the idea.

   Jaime Forrester         2/10/2016 10:25:45 AM

This is so misogynistic! Do I really want to teach my girls to base their self-worth and their morals on what men expect of them? Why is there a disproportionate emphasis on girls' clothing and appearance? Why is there no corresponding lesson for boys? This is poison and it has no place in church. Women are directly accountable to God for their conduct.

   Jonathan McKee         6/19/2012 8:18:14 AM

Wow Ronald, pardon my candor, but you really need to adjust your meds. Slamming brothers like Billy Graham and calling them false preachers? And insulting ministries that are simply looking at the culture as the Apostle Paul did in Acts 17 to point to the Gospel? Seek help!

   Ronald Millsaps         6/18/2012 7:42:37 PM

A Christian, I'm highly offended by the high level of heresy in the world. Liars like Rick Warren, Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, John Hagee, Billy Graham, Paul Washer, etc. claim to be Christians but are false preachers. Most of the "Christian Church" is an MTV-emulating bastion of heresy and worldliness, including skits, movie clips, humanism ("40 days of purpose", promise rings, etc.) and "Christian" music that is Christian in name only, hence the quotation marks. Now we have a so-called Christian site promoting not the gospel but more filth, prominently referencing movies and subtly referencing the act of leaning to others and not to the Lord (the reference to women speaking of what they look for in men, which also is a slight reference to idolatry). We live for God by faith solely in Christ and Him crucified, and we are to maintain our faith solely there, which is also the way we are sanctified, and remember, if we transfer our faith, not only will sanctification not occur; salvation can be lost. God bless. For a rare, sound ministry, visit, especially between 9:30-12 am and pm eastern weekdays.


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