(Warner Bro. Pictures, 2003)
Main Point of Discussion:
We must be smart about WHO we date and HOW we date.
The Movie Clip:
“Born to Stand Out”
What A Girl Wants
is definitely a chick flick! It’s about an American girl who wants to know who her father is so she can have a relationship with him, so she travels to England to find him. But she discovers that her dad is running for Prime Minister and is soon to be married to another woman.
During her journey, Daphne, played by Amanda Bynes, meets a boy named Ian Wallace and they start dating. In her new high-class culture, she stands out like a sore thumb because she doesn’t have the proper etiquette and training. Wallace tries to help her become a debutant, but wonders why she wants to “fit in” when she seems destined to stand out.
This is a good movie that offers a clean look at people trying to have the courage to be themselves.
Introducing the Clip:
Tonight I want to discuss with you how to date intelligently. In this clip from
What A Girl Wants, Daphne is eating breakfast with her dad when her boyfriend Wallace comes by to pick her up for a date. Bear in mind that Daphne has moved to England to get to know her father better. Let’s see what happens on their date, and then listen to how her father reacts to the situation on the phone with his ex-wife, Libby, who is Daphne’s mother.
BEGIN CLIP at 55 minutes and 39 seconds (in Chapter 16).
So what kind of music did you listen to when you were younger?
You mean back before the Earth’s crust cooled?
Yeah. Like favorite band of the 70’s? Please don’t say The Bee Gee’s, please. Don’t say The Bee Gee’s.
No, actually they were called Little Feat. I saw them half a dozen times and I remember….
Glennis (future step mom):
Um…Henry, it’s 8:15 and you have an appointment in Westminster at 9:15.
Um…yes. (mumbles to self as he stands to leave)
See you later.
Ms. Daphne. Mr. Wallace is here to see you.
Don’t let him in! I’m not even cute yet! (Runs off screaming, “What am I going to wear?”)
(Henry is walking out the door to go to work when he sees a motorcycle in the driveway and turns to see a young man in his house.)
Hello sir, Ian Wallace. I’m here to pick up Daphne.
How do you do?
How do you do?
Who are you?
I’m a musician. I was at the ball last night.
You’re in the band?
Now you and Daphne are hummmm…?
Eloping together? Ya! I realize it is a bit sudden, but after last night there was no turning back.
(Daphne comes walking in and takes Wallace by the hand.)
Heeeeeeyyyy! Don’t wait up Henry. (They run outside together.)
Daphne: (Seeing the motorcycle)
O.K. What we need is a little cheering up right?
Hold the little.
Just leave it all to me. Ready?
(Henry is left standing in the driveway watching his little girl drive off with a boy on a motorcycle. He stares in disbelief as they drive off. Music starts as they go on there date around an open market, trying different food and clothes, laughing, talking… having a fun date.)
Thanks for my bracelets.
Today was really fun. I needed it.
Good, I’m glad you are enjoying yourself.
From now on I am going to behave.
Behave like what exactly?
I don’t know… an impeccably brought up young lady. No more repeats of last night. (Wallace laughs at this.)
O.K., I just chose you to help!
O.K ., that’s it now. Gently slide your foot back. (Daphne almost falls)
So much for gently!
O.K., hold this. You got to think grace, you got to think poise, and you got to think balance. Observe.
Nice. So tell me Obi-Wan, where did you learn your impressive skills?
Well if you really want to know, believe it or not, my mother was a Deb.
Ya, and then she chose to marry beneath her, her parents promptly disowned her, but for some reason her parents took pity on their half-breed grandson. They paid for me to go to all the right schools. They got me into all the right clubs, until one day I realized the hypocrisy of it all.
And your parents?
They’re as poor as church mice, and they’re the happiest people I know. Now enough stalling. Get up there and perform.
O.K. Find you’re center; good that’s it. O.K. now. (Daphne stumbles and they both fall out of the boat.)
You know what I still don’t get? Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you’re born to stand out? (Then they kiss.)
Henry: (On the phone with Daphne’s mom.)
5 hours ago your daughter rode off on the back of a motorcycle and hasn’t been heard from since!
Are we talking about a date?
Well I don’t know but the boy is in some kind of a band.
Really. Cool. Let me guess he’s a drummer?
This is serious, Libby.
As I recall I spent a great deal of time on the back of your motor bike Henry.
Ya, Ya, I think that is rather different.
It’s strange how easy it comes isn’t.
Does it ever go away?
No Henry. It does not.
END CLIP at 1 hour 2 minutes and 30 seconds.
In the clip we just watched, we saw the typical things that go along with a date: the girl wanting to look good for the occasion, the boy meeting the dad, and the happy couple having fun. But we also got a chance to see how parents react to their children dating. Let’s spend some more time talking about dating, and everything that’s involved.
Divide into Small Groups:
Let’s go ahead and split up into our discussion groups, and then afterward we’ll come back together for a final word.
CLICK HERE for a quick training article on how to maximize your small groups using our small group format—a great resource to equip your small group leaders.
- AROUND THE CIRCLE: As we begin, let’s all share our names, and briefly describe what the “perfect date” would be like.
- ASK A FEW: What’s the purpose of “dating”?
- ASK A FEW: In the scene we just saw, what do you think was going through the dad’s mind when He saw his little girl riding off on the back of this guy’s motorcycle?
- ASK A FEW: How do you think your parents feel when you go on a date? (Or, if it’s a younger group, ask, “How do you think your parents will feel when you start dating?”)
- ASK A FEW: While they were on their date, Wallace and Daphne went shopping, worked on her etiquette training, and eventually kissed. Would your parents approve of the kind of date that Wallace and Daphne went on? Why or why not?
- ASK SOMEONE: Is there a right way and a wrong way to date? Can you explain?
Read the following passage:
ASK SOMEONE: What does this verse mean, and how does it relate to dating?
ASK SOMEONE: Should you ONLY date a person based on how cute they are?
ASK A FEW: Should you date someone that has obvious weaknesses or issues, just because they are attractive?
ASK A FEW: How should we “look” at the people we want to date?
Read the following passage:
1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
ASK A FEW: What do these verses have to do with dating?
ASK A FEW: Do you seek God’s advice on who you date?
ASK A FEW: When you are on a date, are you sometimes scared to be yourself? Why or why not?
ASK A FEW: How can you treat the person you are dating in a way that will bring honor and glory to God?
ASK A FEW: If you were to truly use Philippians 4:6-8 as your “standard” for dating, how do you think your parents would feel?
Tonight we talked about the touchy subject of dating. We looked at one example of a date, and then focused on a few passages from the Bible that can help us as we begin to date, or try to make our dating more godly.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
I firmly believe there is a “smart” way to date, and a “not-so-smart” way to date. Many of the problems that teenagers get into on dates goes back to the fact that they are not dating intelligently.
Here are a few pointers for dating intelligently:
- Plan out the date, from beginning to end, BEFORE you ever even get together. That way, you won’t be quite so vulnerable to distractions or risky situations that can lead to trouble. Plus, it will show your parents that you have put some thought into the date!
- Make sure that both of you meets the other person’s parents. This will help your moms and dads feel A LOT more comfortable. You parents wouldn’t let a complete stranger take their car out for the evening…what makes you think they are happy about a complete stranger taking their child out for the evening???
- Avoid situations where temptation can unravel your character. Date “out in public” like Wallace and Daphne did at the market place. Also, be home ON TIME or better yet, EARLY. Temptation seems to be more frequent when it gets late and the street lights go out.
- Pray about your dating life. Ask God if He thinks you should be dating. Ask Him who He thinks you should date. And then, if you have His permission to date, ask Him exactly what you should do and where you should go on your date.
Guys, these are some of the things we can do to date intelligently. If we do these things, our moms and dads will probably have a lot more confidence in us and the person we choose to date.
Close in prayer.
Idea by Nick O’Donnell