Kanye bringing Taylor Swift to tears, Lady Gaga thanking God and gays, Jack Black leading the audience
in a prayer to Satan, Russell Brand going on and on about what sexual acts he'd like to perform with
who... nothing surprising. Welcome to the MTV Video Music Awards (The VMAs), the biggest pop culture
phenomenon of the year.
No one knows what the MTV VMAs will deliver. Ever since Madonna's passionate onstage kiss with Brittany
in 2003, and Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" in the MTV sponsored SuperBowl halftime show in 2004,
audiences have readily braced themselves for what MTV has in store for us next. Sadly, not much would shock
our desensitized audiences any more. It's hard to believe that MTV could stuff anything more vile or
degrading up their corporate sleeves.
Teen audiences gathered by the millions to watch the show live Sunday night, September 13th. Those that
missed the show and heard the buzz at school Monday morning, popped onto the internet on their phones and
computers where MTV.com provides the entire show at the click of a button. The MTV VMA's have never been so
accessible to this generation of young people.
What Kids Saw
The night began on a touching note as Madonna
paid tribute
to the life of Michael Jackson. Madonna confessed that when she found out that Michael died, all she could
think about was, "I had abandoned him. That we had abandoned him. That we had allowed this magnificent creature
that once set the world on fire to somehow slip through the cracks. While he was trying to build a family and
rebuild his career, we were all busy passing judgment. Most of us had turned our backs on him."
The audience was hanging on every word Madonna spoke. She ended her speech saying, "I want to end this on a
positive note and say that my sons age 9 and 4 are obsessed with Michael Jackson. There's a whole lot of crotch
grabbing and moon-walking going on in my house." Her final words were, "Yes, Michael Jackson was a human being.
But damn it, he was a king. Long live the king."
Modonna exited stage left and the show digressed.
Katy Perry sang Queen's
We Will Rock You as British comedian Russell Brand entered the stage to MC for
the evening. As Russell thanked her, she lifted her leg and grabbed her crotch. I'm still not sure why, but in
all honesty, I've stopped asking.
After a few serious comments about Michael Jackson, Russell descended to the only kind of comedy he knows,
perverted attempts at humor. After announcing that last year he learned that he could say anything and "get
away with it," he quickly turned his attention to the bizarre musician Lady Gaga.
"There's been a lot of mudslinging and rumor mongering and rubbish, people saying that she's a hermaphrodite.
I think it's a disgrace that a woman cannot be successful, sexy and have an aggressive sexuality without people
saying, 'Oh, she must be a bloke.' That is sexist. And I would like to condemn the male-dominated media for their
disgusting treatment of this incredible woman. And if you haven't worked it out by now, yeah, I'm trying to
f--- her."
That final word was censored. Unfortunately the guy manning the censor board didn't find it necessary to bleep his
next line when he said, "and if I do pull her leotard to one side and find a little something a little extra there,
I'll just make it stiff and hang me hat on it."
We shouldn't be surprised by his topics of conversation, nor his verbalized sexual ambitions. After all, he sang
about them in this
pre-show ad
released by MTV a few weeks ago to promote the upcoming awards show.
This article would become blocked by most explicit content blockers if I repeated most of what Russell said.
Let's just say that he ended comparing himself to Harry Potter, but grabbing his crotch and saying, "my sack of
magic and wand are tucked up in these delicious trousers where they will stay til the end of the evening, you
have my word as an English gentleman." The rest of the evening was filled with banter about sexual exploits,
the anatomy of women, and any other low hanging fruit he could get his hands on.
Kanye West, no newbie to tirades, found a new low at the show, interrupting Taylor Swift's acceptance speech for
Best Female Video. Taking the mic from her, Kanye said, "Yo Taylor, I'm really happy for you, I'm gonna let you
finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time!" He unnecessarily repeated himself for emphasis.
"One of the best videos of all time!" Boos starting echoing throughout the room, Taylor standing there with a
horrified look on her face, and Beyonce looking confused and slightly flattered. Taylor didn't get to finish her
speech. She was escorted off the stage where she burst into tears.
I was so disgusted with Kanye's selfish outburst, that I was caught off guard by the next moment, Jack Black's
feeble attempt at humor. Black, giving a tribute to metal music, mused, "Since we're giving a rock award tonight,
who wants to pray to the Devil with me?" He instructed the audience to grab the hand of the person next to them
and then prayed, "Dear Dark Lord Satan..." The crowd was interesting, chuckling at first, but then caught in an
awkward silence, seemingly not knowing how to react.
Lady Gaga, highly anticipated because of her bizarre persona and fashion sense, sang her song
Paparazi,
wearing a bizarre outfit that looked like a mix between a showgirl costume and one of Paris Hilton's bathing suits.
The performance showed a little creativity, and a little too much Gaga, ending with her smearing fake blood over her
body and face.
A little later on in the show, the bizarre Lady Gaga graced the stage once again, this time wearing a red scarf
over her face, to collect her award as Best New Artist. Her first mummified words: "It's my first
CENSORED
Moonman!" I guess this censored word is one of her favorite adjectives because just a few seconds later she said,
"This is for my
CENSORED fans!" She continued. "You're the best fans in the whole world and I love you.
And it's for God and for the gays!"
Hmmmmm...